...so last week stunk, this week is stinking differently...hmm...so last week ended w/my usual night out...this time at apples (dive in kenilworth)...it was fun, except it just felt very hs...i dunno, i hate that feeling...oh and it was my fault...i cried (ha)...btw i was totally drunk by then, so it was sorta ok...NOT...but i dunno...ill still go out this friday, i think she felt guilty and invited me out last night...maybe we r just worried we wont be friends, oh we will...ha...anyways...um, went out w/my parents on sunday...better than u would think...then monday, was all excited for hot weather...DAD practically cuts his finger off...spent an hr at the hospital and 3 hrs at the surgeons office...so there went monday...tuesday, something happened...but i dont remember what...think work just made me mad...as usual...boss is bein super duper lazy...um, then the bf went out last night on what sounded like a date...the brother and the bros gf invite my bf to play pool, obviously pool requires 4 ppl...so i knew someone else had to be there...apparently the bf didnt know there would be a 4th person...sure...and he went and the bros gf invited a girl from work...so 2 and 2...well, he said she didnt show up but instead the bros gf's roommate came...btw the roommate who asked for him to come before...see, thats enough to irritate me...oh and last night he said no one else came, only this morning i found out that the roommate came...he says it isnt lying cuz he told me, eventually...i dunno...backstory: he tends to lie about stupid shit...like i told him he couldnt handle a dog (i had many good reasons, many!)...he said he agreed and we never talked about it again...a few weekends ago i found out he actually brought the dog into his home for a week and never told me...he told me he stopped smoking then i found out 9 months later he was usuing chew...thats what im talkin about...he lies about things like that and keeps the lies up for a very long time...last sept i found a pic on his phone of the place that he gets his hair cut w/the hair girl bent over...like she didnt know he was takin it but the pic was perfectly squared on her ass and he claims it was an accident and he didnt know how it got on there and im so mad that i didnt check the date on the pic before i deleted it (but it could only be up to a few months old)...so yeah...i dunno...i was never this jealous, but lately when i realize he keeps lying about stupid shit, it makes me doubt so many things...i dunno...then he says well u go out w/2 exes and now u go to a bar every friday and i dont know what happens and i dont say anything...i understand that could be frustrating but he doesnt even ask me about anything...i dunno...i havent lied about anything...so anyways...back to the story...maybe im bein crazy, but that sounds like a quasi date...he doesnt quite tell me the truth sometimes about where hes goin, what hes doin (not that he really does much) but i dunno...my trust isnt too strong in him...i dunno what else to feel...i mean, 4.5yrs, i guess he isnt goin anywhere...but there r ppl that can be w/the same person for 20yrs and then cheat...anyways, now im gettin mad/upset...grr...ok...gotta get my fat ass outside...im so HUGE...ok, not so huge...ha...but ya know, im not comfortable in my skin...just wanna lose 10ish lbs...that sounds vain...ok, what i really wanna do is tone up...they say (they = AMA = American Medical Assoc) that building muscle helps ur body do EVERYTHING...keeps u healthy, fights dementia in old ppl, ur less likely to get heart disease...its just super good go build a little muscle and lower ur fat content...today did nothing to help that...my coworker keeps feeding me like a hobo at work...and my mom is doin double trouble at home...they r awful...damn PR moms...always w/the feeding...yesterday my mom said i have a jlo ass...i was quite upset...i dunno...stupid fatness...anyways...think the rant is over...oh, still need a new job...ha..need to start lookin...okok...anyways...

...hot damn, its been a whole month...got a day off today after a very aggrivating attempt to get to work today...they should be closed anyway cuz its a freakin state of emergency...didnt even get to spend it w/the bf cuz he said id have to go to work yesterday...wish i just called out and slept in and saved myself all that time, gas, and aggrivation...but its done and im home...lets see, whats new whats old?...um...everything has been pretty ok...made buddies w/a girl, finally right...ha...thought the bf would be happier, but he realizes it means im gonna be out drinkin more, so its a wash...been spending my last few fridays at blackthorn, not so great, but we leave before the bad music starts...wish the weather was warm, think i od'ed in sandals...cant wait to wear all of them...hmm, what else has happened...went to the bf's sister's bridal shower...was super nice christina...was v.nice to his mother and the sister's fiance (which i dont like)...i can be amazingly fake and almost alternate personality like...his family never saw me like like this in 4.5yrs...ha...but they all know my role as oldest non-related member of the family...have to go out to eat 4 times before the end of may cuz my gift certificates will expire, so im very excited for good food, however, we were washed out yesterday...thats ok...warm weather seems so slow coming...have a feeling that its gonna get hot quick, but who knows...hmm...my parents r leavin for egypt in 2 weeks...my vacation to wildwood is comin faster and faster...gonna have a 4 day weekend the weekend after july 4th for the wedding and docs appts and the such...gonna try to schedule a shitload of things for that day...my cousin carly is in the hospital for air/fluid in her chest...crazy...went to visit her and got lost cuz everything was flooded yesterday, but she was lookin good...hmm...i guess thats really it for now...nothing else old, nothing else really new...still planning on takin a cruise in september...hopefully that works out...still waiting for my new job...everyone is dragging themselves on that one...gonna apply to dyfs asap...not gonna be in skl in the fall cuz 1.) kean never taught me spanish 2 cuz we r still on ch3, which is just plain unacceptable...2.) kean doesnt offer any night classes in spanish...3.) think i wanna start my masters next yr so i can teach at a college (county, of course...i dont want smart kids, means more work...and i so want summers off w/o having to work a 7-3 shift)...yeah, feels like i never know what to do w/my life...but teaching college level feels like it could be ok...if the bf doesnt become a cop, im gonna push him in the same direction, on whatever level...ok, think thats really it...ill try to take pics and update more...its sad no one else really uses this, however i know ppl still look at it...so w/e...i <3 u xanga and ill talk to u later...