...so yeah...whats goin on xanga...i click my public view and i cant freakin see u...ur bein a subborn bitch...lately, ive just been tired and frustrated...got into a fight w/my boss yesterday but he wont yell at me when i turn bitch...i would shut down this account, but i paid for it and i like it...but WHY cant i see u...r u trying to break up w/me?...someone called me a "shot" today...i think...wasnt sure what it meant, he said it was good...ha...i wish i could go out tonight, but i still have to work sat mornings...5 left...woohoo...i think i snack too much...its as if my new years resolutions r out the freakin window...i dunno...frustrated i suppose...

duh...got my site to work again...

...so...interview this morning...boy did i feel inadequate...i was fine w/the woman i interviewed with the last time, who actually remembered me...i was fine w/the guy in charge, he reminded me of the DA on The Medium...ha...so that was cool...the freakin DA killed me...he was awful, only cuz he was a freakin lawyer...he kept tryin to read into what i was saying, but he kept reading me wrong...ugh...fuckin men/lawyers...oh, and they were spanish askin if i knew spanish, so boy did i feel like a bad freakin spic...no, i dont speak spanish, but im learning...SO stupid...i dunno...i left feelin like shit...to be fair, it was my 3rd interview in my life...2 for another job that i just knew i wasnt gonna get...2 for this job...and 1 for the current job that consisted of my uncle saying "she's hired, right?"...i wish i had more interviews like that...haha...how the hell do ppl get jobs these days...i feel like im not right for anything...ok, i felt more right about this job than any...but i dunno...i just felt, i dunno, they rnt gonna call me back...i think u know if they liked u or not...while i felt that 2 of them liked me, i know the woman liked me, that freakin lawyer...ugh, but i cant scrutanize the situation...its over, just gotta wait for my rejection letter...lately, everything feels like poopy, but i think thats just me being over pessimistic...i am glad i made this private tho, they seem like the type to google me...ha...ok gotta do that to this site...AH...anyways...

...i just realized the dumbest thing ever...its really stupid...ready...my friends totally werent white in hs...ha...its like i dont remember that...not that i remember them being a race they rnt...but i was listening to the radio the other day and they were talkin about how prejudice everyone is and even if u dont realize it, u r...but the more i think about it, the more i forgot about it...i dont understand why its such a big deal...whats even more ironic, to me, is that several of these ppl grew apart from me cuz i wasnt the same race as them...i dunno...i havent seen some of these ppl in a while, and i go on myspace and look at their pics and im like, oh thats what u look like...ha...i dunno...race is a funny topic...everyone wants to be equal but no one wants to be the same...sad to say, u cant have it both ways...i just forgot how prejudice ppl can really be...i guess i was lucky and my parents didnt start sayin racist things until i was about 18...yeah...just thinkin...mere note...

...so yeah...who the hell breaks their tooth in their sleep...ME...got it fixed today...its all because i wanted to falsify an excuse to use a sick day tomorrow...hopefully nothing else happens and i can say im gettin my tooth fixed even tho i did it today...its kinda funny lookin...but its ok, it doesnt looked broken atleast...turns out a got a freakin overbite...no one ever told me i had one...yep...so yeah...maybe that explains why my smile can be gummy sometimes...ha...anyways...lets see how many other things can go wrong before my interview tom...im waiting for them...its bound to happen...when 1 thing goes wrong, i feel like everything is gonna go wrong...stupid self...anyways...gotta prepare for life...

...so yeah...resolutions r so goin down the toilet...(1) ive been stress shopping...(2) which means i havent prepared to move out...(3) too lazy to clean my room...(4) keep eatin too much food daily...(5) def not spending free time better cuz i sit around and watch tv and not learn spanish...(6) cant plan vacations cuz eric cant get his vacation time and i dont know whats goin on w/my work...(7) dont know what is goin on w/a new job and i feel totally directionless...(8) learning spanish is so annoying...just feel like such a butt only 9 days into the new year...i havent done anything...i dunno...such a butt...im such a butt i dont even feel like bitching more...stupid 2007...maybe its just stupid me...

...got a phone call today from the gov't tellin me they extended my list and i have an interview next friday in hackensack...WORD...very exciting...except its in the criminal division...not cool, but i guess its no diff than what im doin right now, so i can deal until i transfer...that may muss up my vacation plans...but during the interview ill ask if they r gonna be a problem and then "see what i can do"...anyways...i was SO suped...still am...i want my foot in the door...since i thought i lost the job in november, ive been feeling very lost...what am i gonna do, where am i gonna go, what is gonna be my future...ya know...i mean, i def have a backup plan, so no worries yet...startin skl, waitin on jobs...i dunno...should be higher on the list too cuz they hired some ppl already...was 29...then they only got 19 callbacks, so i was 19...now i dont know where i am...they did hire quite a few  ppl already, i believe, so we'll see...waiting to get called back from the person i know that works in the same freakin office in the same branch...so thats is good atleast...so anyways...hopefully ill be celebrating next weekend after a good interview...so im bein happy now and doin some gay blog quizes to waste the time...

A N S W E R - T R U T H F U L L Y

1. Do you like anyone? sure
2. Do they know it? sure

IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U

4. Had sex: sure
5. Sang to someone: i was singing the spam song the other day to eric
6. Gotten sick: from booze
7. Been hugged: everyone hugs on newyears, and i didnt like it
8. Felt stupid: um, oh, yes yes i did
9. Talked to an ex: all the freakin time
10. Missed someone: always
11. Failed a test: not yet
12. Got your hair cut: before xmas
13. Danced: dont dance, but i hopped around today

U N I Q U E

16. Nervous habit? shopping and eating
17. Are you double jointed? in my hips, but its painful
18. Can you roll your tongue? sure
19. Can you raise one eyebrow? of course
20. Can you cross your eyes? yes but i dont like to
21. Do you make your bed daily? never
22. Do you think you are unique? we r all unique in the same way

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R'S

23. Said "I Love you"? sure
24. Given money to a homeless person? not personally, i dont think
26. Waited all night for a phone call? yes ugh
28. Sat and looked at the stars? sure
31. You cook your own food? ive been tryin to lately
32. You do your own chores? ha, no, but some i guess
33. You like beef jerky? LOVE IT
35. You're happy with your life? its gettin there
36. You own a dog? i wish
37. You spend your money wisely? NO, but i will, esp w/a new job
38. You like to swim? i miss swimming
39. When you get bored do you call a friend? nah

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R'S

41. Flowers or angels? what? how is that a comparison...flowers
42. Gray or black? both
43. Color or black and white photos? everyone looks better in black and white
44. Lust or love? Love
45. Sunrise or sunset? both r good
46. M&Ms or Skittles? Skittles
48. Staying up late or waking up early? stay up late, only if i can sleep late
49. Being hot or cold: depends on how i feel
50. Winter or Fall? Fall
51. Left or right? Right
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? meh
53. Sunshine or rain? depends on how i feel...it sucks sleepin in on a sunny day

M O R E - H A V E - Y O U - E V E R'S

Sleep in a bed of the opposite sex? sure
Hooked up in the woods? um, when i was in hs
Stolen money from a friend? nah
Slept naked? tried it
Been in a fist fight? i punched eric once
Had a crush on a teacher? sure
Been on an airplane? sure
Slept all day? not past noon since i was a frosh
Missed someone so much it hurt? yep
Been lonely? yep
Cheated in a game? ha, yes
Been to the ER? no, knock on wood
Been in a car accident? not in a long ass time, knock on wood
Gotten detention? a few times
Cried yourself to sleep? not in a while
Sung in the shower? not really
Kissed a complete stranger? ugh, once
Laughed so hard you cried? sure
Regretted hurting someone? ive apologized for all ive done

1. Name one person who made you smile today?
the lady from the public defenders office

2. What were you doing at 8 this morning?
working

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
just gettin home

4. What is something that happened in 1994?
12yo, 7th grade...i think that was when my greatgrandpa died

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
hey i got a job interview

6. How many different things did you drink today?
flavored water, plain water, diet dr pepper

7. what color is your hairbrush ?
black and silver

8. What was the last thing you bought?
clinique simply perfume

9. What was the last gift you received?
honey sticks from my bf

10. What color is your front door?
black

11. Where do you keep your change?
my old lady change purse

12. What was the weather like today?
gloomy

13. What is the best ice-cream flavor?
chocolate covered waffle cone

14. What is something you are excited about tomorrow?
eric comes over

15. When was the last rainbow you saw?
the other week i saw these wierd little pieces of rainbow but it wasonly w/my sunglasses on...strange

16. Whats your favorite gardening tool?
the hoe ha

17. Do you have a sister?
hell no

18. Are you very random?
sometimes

19. Do you want to cut your hair?
kinda

20. Are you over the age of 25?
not yet

21. Do you talk a lot?
sometimes...when i do at work, they dont always understand my english

22. Do you watch The OC?
it got cancelled and i never watched it

23. Does your screen name have an 'x' in it?
one of htem does but i dont use them anymore

24. Do you know anyone called Steve?
im talkin to one right now

25. Do you make up your own words?
once in a while...more like making up new meanings to words

26. Are you ticklish?
thats what i say cuz i dont like bein touched

27 .Are you typically a jealous person?
not so much anymore

28. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'M'
ur Mom

29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter A'?
???

30. Whos the 1st person on your dialed calls list?
eric

31. What did the last text messages you received say?
congradulations...call u later to discuss ur good news...

32. Do you chew on your straws?
i stick them bw my teeth, gross

33. Do you have curly frizzy hair?
it gets a little poofy in the damness

34. Whats the next concert your going to?
im waitin for someone to come around

35. Who is the shittiest person in your life?
my shitty ass boss...one of my family members...

35. Who is the coolest person in your life?
i dont think i know cool ppl anymore...but how many ppl really say that anymore, except about kids

36. What is something you say a lot?
i dunno...nothing really

37. What is the last thing you ate?
tictac

38. Have you seen the movie 'Donnie Darko'?
it was good if u knew what was goin on

39. Do you have work tomorrow?
stupid 2nd job...only a few more weeks

40. Is marriage in your future?
i believe so

41. When was the last time you said 'I love you' to someone?
last night

42. What should you be doing right now?
studying

43. Do you have a nickname?
no

45. Are you a heavy sleeper?
not anymore

46. When was the last time you used a skateboard?
almost 10yrs ago

47. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
little miss sunshine

48. Is there anyone you like right now?
sure

49. When was the last time you did the dishes?
NEVER

50. Are you currently depressed?
im SUPPPPED

...so yeah...cuz i love vacations and ive been stuck takin crap vacations for the last 2 years...this year is no different cuz im poor...so yeah...the tentative plan: april  = 4 day weekend at niagra falls...june = 4 day weekend in wildwood...september = a 5 day cruise to bermuda...so yeah...im excited already...yep...very exciting...gonna cost me a little but ya know...I NEED A NEW JOB...its so ridiculous in the office...the boss is busy not answering his phone and making mistakes to pay attention to his job, esp when his ex gf is running around the office...the asst boss is too busy answering her cell phone to do any real work, esp w/her 10 15min cigarette breaks a day, its hard to get ur work done...then i have ppl from other departments acting like im their secratary...so work is just generally agrivating...cannot wait to freakin leave...but then i have to have another job lined up...gotta call my uncle, maybe in feb, to see if i can work for him...i only hope he can offer me a decant salary...so yeah...i think thats the end of my rant?...anyways...

...not that i usually do this, or more like not that i usually remember to keep them...but ya know, its time to get serious...at 23yo, its time to get serious about a lot of things...so, for 2007, here it is...

1.  SPEND LESS MONEY:  meaning my spending is absolutely out of control and its ridiculous...i dont know why, for the last few years, i have felt the need to buy everything i see and vaguely want...i wasnt raised this way and i dont knoy why i do it...well, i think i've figured out why i do it, but ya know...this is when therapy might be helpful...but yeah...spending, gotta go...keep it minimal...the plan: write down everything i spend so i stop keeping it a guilty pleasure...

2.  PREPARE TO MOVE OUT:  thats one of those things u say but dont do cuz ur comfortable...but i hate it here and if i dont hate it, im either uncomfortable or just dont want to be here...i see my bf once a week cuz we live too far away...come on now, after 4 yrs its time to move in together...so yeah, im not sayin im leaving yet cuz there r lots of things that need to be prepared but hopefully by this time next year ill be apartment shopping in middlesex county...

3.  CLEAN MY ROOM:  sounds silly but there r so many things i just cant find in here...things that i forget i have, lost, or just didnt put away...its all gotta do something better than what it is doing...my mess looks exactly like it did a year ago, but bigger...horrible...

4.  LOSE SOME WEIGHT:  oh the vanity...but seriously...i graduated hs at 10 lbs less than i am now...now lets get one thing straight, im not cryin about how fat i am, well a little...but its more about getting into shape...i havent been in a bathing suit for 2 yrs and its time to get back to the beach...oh, and i have a wedding in the summer i gotta look good for...i need to get into shape cuz its healthy...i want to develop healthy habits so i can live a long sexy lookin time...ha...

5.  SPEND FREE TIME BETTER:  hot damn do i waste time...its horrible...i waste all time...i come home from work at 4pm, i have a whole evening and do NOTHING...eric comes over 24hrs a week and we do NOTHING...so, for the new year i need to spend my after work time better, ie exercising, studying, cleaning...and spend my weekend time better, ie find things to do out of the house, go out to eat once a month

6.  TAKE A NICE VACATION:  which is already decided actually...its not super nice, but its a cruise...so mostly everything is included...we r goin to bermuda for a 7 day cruise, which translates to 2 days in bermuda and 1 day in boston...so w/e...so im hoping to do that in the late spring/early summer and a weekend in wildwood in late august...

7.  GET A NEW BETTER PAYING JOB:  so ive learned all im gonna learn at the current job...i dont work actually counceling, so cant learn that...but i have learned everything there is (basically) about intake procedures and handling many problems...time to move on...hopefully my uncle pulls thru and gives me another job (so sad) w/him and hopefully (fingers crossed) it pays 10k more a year...thats all i want, and trust me, thats not much...im startin skl very soon, im hopefully startin some other classes soon, all things that will help me make more $$...still want my gov't job...im just not very job competative, so i think thats a good field for me...still want to get into the public defenders office, so who freakin knows..but its time to move on and get outta newark...however thats gonna put me further from eric, so the commute is gonna be worse if i move...but ya know what...i think it balances itself out...

8.  LEARN SPANISH:  its time...im goin back to skl for it...its gonna finally happen...

...thats all that i can think of now, so thats prolly all the important stuff...thought if it, explained it, it all makes sense...so yeah...hopefully i can remember them so i keep them...wish me luck...and good luck to anyone else w/resolutions that r long over due to keep...

...i hate the holidays, dont really like the family any more (not that we ever really got along), and im long over due to move out...

note to self: new years' resolution: seriously seriously seriously move out of the fuckin house no matter what...even if its alone in the worst place ever...even if its 2 hrs from my job...its time to go...

...not really, but ya know...do u remember that commercial for like officemax and they played that song as the dad was throwin skl supplies in the cart...it wasnt at xmas time, it was in august, but i loved that commercial...only rivaled by the other officemax commercial w/school's out forever w/alice cooper throwin stuff inthe cart w/his daughter walkin around...it was cute, cuz she said 'i thought u said skls out forever' and he says like nope just summer...so cute...anyways...i HATE the holidays...i forgot the fun of gettin presents i dont want...already got one, expecting 1 more...maybe if eric gets me something crappy too or my parents...i dunno...so yeah...i bought some good presents for ppl...that makes me happy...i got all domesticated and made cheesecake...probably make cookies for xmas day...badass...so yeah...i dont remember why i started this entry...but after the title, i started thinkin about the commercial and i forgot what i was doin...still gotta clean my room...friday i gotta wrap gifts and finish cleaning after work oh and return some things...saturday i work all day and then gotta bake more pies and pick up eric...xmas eve at his house AH...xmas day at nannys...bought a bunch of new perfumes to find my fragrance...ive settled on escada into the blue...its kinda smells manly w/womanly mixed it...thats like what i used to wear in hs...yeah...got a bunch of sample typea gift packages...yeah...i want a new ipod, got one for my dad and it kicks ass...OH...now i recall what i wanted to say...i love wine and cheese and cheese and wine...its so freakin tasty...i think the only thing that may make that duo better is smoked trout...i love smoked trout...ordered some alaskan smoked salmon...hoping it will be nice and tasty...i think i love food...more than eric...more than jewelry...ok, not that much...so yeah...that point seemed so much bigger in my head when i was eatin pumpkin cheesecake and drinkin red wine...makes me happy...on an odd note...my left ear hears higher pitches than my right...its really annoying cuz my computer or something near it is making a very high pitched ringing and only 1 of my ears can hear it...or more like 1 ear hears it louder than the other...very odd right...i turn my head and its like the sound moves...anyways...i was supposed to be doing things that prolly rnt gettin done tonight, so im just gonna go to bed...ha...such a loser...