who gets sick right before their vacation?...me...who gets sent home in the morning cuz they look sick?...me...feels funny being home during the day...cant wait for my 2 vacations to come by...october here i come...

Saturday:  vacuum, change sheets, bookkeeping 4-11, eric

Sunday:  sleep in, find my hair place, go to the beach?, find something to do?, enjoy my day off

Monday:  busy day at work, pack

Tuesday:  boring day at work, pack

Wednesday:  boring day at work, out for drinks w/a friend

Thursday:  boring last day at work, paint nails, wax, eric, finish pack our clothes together and everything else we r taking

Friday:  leave for wildwood bw 10-11, stop at the zoo, the gardens, the bar, the boardwalk

Saturday:  stop at cape may

Sunday:  relax

Monday:  come home, stop at bastso village, get pizza/chinese for dinner, prepare to get back to the same old

...so yeah...im all excited for the next 10 days...well, for 6 of the next 10 days...its the good start to october...

Things to come: tool concert (10/06), tool concert (10/07), colombus day (10/09) (another day off), apple/pumpkin picking (10/15), washington dc (10/20-10/25), halloween (10/31)...hear from the public defenders office to see if i really really have a new job...

...october is gonna be a good month...hopefully it will spell out my last days at Cura, Inc...its starting to get old...too many personal problems brought to work by my 2 coworkers...my position has gone from counselor to secretary to personal assistant...however i still maintain all the functions of the previous position...prolly no raise like i was promised...no cadc training like i was promised...thats ok...hopefully im out by the end of the yr to a job that starts at 12k more than this job...oh, and i shouldnt be anyone's personal assistant...im just so excited...

use white vinegar mixed with water to remove salt stains on leather shoes...gotta do that...

...so...wassup...been a little while, again...thats ok...so, whats new w/u...i see u (xanga) have changed a little bit...cant say that im surprised, we all change a little over time...how am i doin, im ok...nothing new, stagnating a little...so ready to leave my current job...its not that its a bad job, its just the pay is bad, my coworkers tend to suck, and the pay is bad...still waiting to hear about that damn state job...so mad about all that...um, im still dying to get out of my house...DYING...but i predict that wont happen any time soon...thats ok...(no its not)...so neighbor boy is thinking of bying a house...right down the street...wtf...who moves in 4 houses away from their parents, psychos thats who...i dont even want to be in a county that touches the one my family lives in...i dunno...so yeah...im chewing green tea gum...ya know that weight loss crap...ha...yeah, my mom got it for free, and i love gum...so yeah...um...i dont think i have anything else to say...so, i guess ill talk to u soon...maybe sometime after the who concert or wildwood...gotta fix my digicam too...ugh, stupid camera...

...can u believe its september already?...can u believe the last night of august was only 61 degrees...im happy its september, thats my second favorite month...cant wait for october, not only is it my favorite month, its when all my vacations r planned...ill be in wildwood, dc, and goin to tool twice with 6 days off...wham bam...september is not as exciting...only 2 days off and the who conert...either way...i love the warm days and cool nights...i love wearing a little more clothing, like blazers, tights and closed toed shoes...i love the smell of fall and the changing of the leaves...i love how fall culminates with halloween, my favorite holiday of the year...which is on a tuesday, so that sucks...im just excited...except these 2 days alone at work...it was on this morning when i had a helper for 4 hours...the afternoon was a freakin mess...problems i didnt know how to fix, clients i didnt know how to handle...i was scared, angry, and frustrated...(oh i was scared of the bees that invaded my office and the client that started flipping out and i didnt know why the cops were arresting him)...so yeah...i didnt like it, and i think tuesday is gonna be worse...atleast monday is off...i dunno...just that light at the end of the tunnel that i have my fingers crossed about...i hope i get my new job...that also means i get to move down to monmouth/middlesex county...well, in a few yrs...ha...i dunno...oh, and ill get to quit pathmark, which i have to go to tonight...i hate that place on the holidays...atleast i bookkeep tom so i dont have to deal w/it...but i always have to do something extra...anyways...time to get ready for work...stupid ernesto ruining my weekend...atleast i dont think monday is ruined yet...

...so after waiting and waiting since feb 2005, being told i didnt qualify, taking my text in oct 2005, getting my list in nov 2005, realizing my list was only 1 yr instead of the standard 2, interviewing in jan 2006 for my certification, getting offered 2 more interviews in bergen and essex, having that revoked, getting offered an interview in morris, having that get revoked, having the entire certification revoked this past saturday...today i got a phone call from the guy in charge at 330 asking if i was still interested, telling me the job pays more than it did 6 months ago, telling me i can be hired by the beginning of next yr after all the paperwork goes thru, then telling me its in asbury park...its not quite a win win, but ya know what i get to go to the wawa, i dont have to get up any earlier in the morning cuz its a 9-5, and i can hopefully more around after a while, oh and they pay for me to go back to skl and get my certifications...i may actually get to quit pathmark, as long as they say i cant work 1 day a week considering my drive is gonna be 44 miles, or +55 minutes...so yeah...i guess the commute blows cuz ill still have to leave at 730 and i wont get home till 630...so yeah...i am excited...the pay isnt much compared to other ppl, but they pay for skl, its way more than im gettin paid right now, and the benefits r better than my current job, and its a state job...so yeah...id be ahead of half the ppl a i know and behind the other half...i like the middle of the road...so yeah...

how is it possible in an office of 3 ppl, 2 of which have been there for +10 yrs, i have to do the bulk of the work and i am the only one concentrating on work related issues...its like the boss gave up weeks ago and the asst boss gave up yesterday...its really pissing me off, cuz now im ready to give up...somehow im a councelor and do everyones counceling work, but i double as a secratary and do all the secratarial work in the office...makes me wanna hurt someone...

today was like the day from hell...it had nothing to do w/actual work either...when i got to work, i found a dead mouse on my mouse pad...oh yeah, w/mouse blood on my desk...the rest of the day was ok, until this smart mouth bitch from dyfs thought i was an idiot, but i yelled at her a little cuz she kept pretending i wasnt understanding when she obviously never asked what was the real deal...then 22 was shut down by hillside cops cuz someone ran into an electric pole and cracked it in half...took me 3 hrs to get home...just over 2hrs to get off 22, then made a wrong turn and got back on 22 the other way, so i had to go home thru newark, which was worse than the traffic on 22...then finally got home, went to the gas station and the guy didnt fill it up, which made me even more mad while on the verge of tears to begin w/...ugh...and i was so gonna go to the mall tonight, and now i refuse to get back in my car cuz my ass hurts from sitting in it...so now the mall has to wait till fri or sat...woohoo, returning clothes on my bday...so yeah...im so mad...anyways...back to stuffing my face full of nachos...atleast they came out good...

so yeah...work has its ups and downs...keep dragging my ass on the parole officer application...i yelled at ppl today...that had its ups and downs too...i dunno...goin dress shopping and i magically gained 5lbs, so this wont be fun...have to lose it again...damn 5lbs...i blame the food at work...it was sneakin up on me...so now i say no to work lunch full of delicious saturated fats...so yeah...doesnt help all we have for dinner this week is the pasta from sunday...so yeah...i dunno...im not happy or sad lately...just a perpetual blah that wont seem to lift...i dunno...i just feel tired non stop until bedtime...then i cant stop thinking to sleep...i blame gettin up at 6am...im so not a morning person and it just makes me feel yucky all day...i spoke bad spanish today...i feel like an idiot unable to pick up another language...so many ppl i know can do it except me...i realize when we learned languages in school, we never learned conversation, which is so valuable...atleast my vocab is bigger than i thought it was...anyways...this complaining ramble has gone on for too long...

...so after i thought that work was good...i get a phone call...a woman from a few weeks ago called to blame me for the death of her daughter...that is different, right?...because u told me i need to get her birth certificate and social security card (says the woman located in pennsylvania who did not know the exact whereabouts of her daughter the last time we spoke) and i was waiting to get the birth certificate from puerto rico she died on the streets leaving me with her 4 yr old son...now, how many jobs can u be blamed for someones death...she didnt even let me speak (i would have just transferred her to my supervisor cuz if u cant find ur daughter when ur a state away and ur oh so worried, the logical person to blame is the stranger following protocol who told u to send ur daughter in for an interview anyway and u said when u find her ull let her know)...i feel a combination of feelings...btw, the daughter never contacted me at all...the mother never called more than once...i had no idea this girl was even interested...i dont even know either of their names...oh, and at the same time, im in the process of saving a person from killing himself, cuz we know he really may have...but that still doesnt make me feel better, no matter how much extra i just did for this person, a phone call like that is very very something...i dunno...i feel so many emotions: anger, sorrow, pity, confusion...id say i wish it will never happen again, but i know it will...when a problem is this big, its easier to blame a stranger who may or may not have had a solution...it makes sense in my head, it makes sense in my psych books, what is it...transference...the lines between counselor and client tend to blur far too much at work...i dunno...i think im done here...